During dinner with my brother the other night, he asked me “If you could live in any time period ever, when would it be?” I answered almost immediately, “Now. I wouldn’t want to live in a different time.” Clearly my response had startled him, for his face grew in bewilderment. Before I could explain myself, he says “I would definitely pick the 70’s – best era of music ever.” While I don’t necessarily disagree, I would still choose to live in this point of history for one main reason: it’s the best time to be a woman.
Freedom for women has never been greater. We have access to education, the right to vote and work, and the ability to wear and look however we want to. It’s time to show the world that we can dominate. While some women refuse to unleash their inner lioness in fear that men will reject them, find comfort in the fact that you can be fearless without being intimidating. Here are 38 rules that are guaranteed to turn you into a more successful, audacious, striking, Alpha female.
- Stop saying sorry just to be polite.There’s nothing I hate more than people who apologize just to come off as ‘civil’ and ‘ladylike’. It makes talk cheap. If you haven’t done anything wrong, don’t feel the need to push those sacred words out your mouth. Because once you do, there’s no going back. When two people are interacting (especially if it’s for the first time!), both parties are subconsciously beginning to classify and determine the other person’s character. We look for traits such as wit, honesty and intelligence amongst many other things. So when you start apologizing for no reason, you immediately give the other person the upper hand.
It’s important not to take this advice the wrong way. If you truly are guilty of doing something dreadful and putting someone in a difficult situation, then let go of your ego for a minute, try to empathize and do apologize. Otherwise, however, your apologies should come at a high price.
- Big girls do cry.
Let’s face it: women are emotional. And there’s no need to be ashamed of having a sensitive side. Ronda Rousey, the first female fighter to win the UFC championship, is undoubtedly the toughest woman on the planet. She recently went on an interview on Ellen and shared how she often cries before her competitions due to a buildup of emotions. Inside the strongest people are the mushiest, most delicate roses – but that’s the best part. Sensitive people get an intensified sense of pleasure and are more mindful of subtleties in life. So never consider yourself weak if you feel the need to cry or if your feelings get hurt. The trick is to keep your sensitive side without allowing people to take advantage of it. Of course, this is easier said than done, but I’ve figured out a few ways to master this concept:
- Surround yourself with supportive people: If all your friends or coworkers automatically mistaken tears as a sign of weakness, it’s time to make some new friends.
- Don’t embarrass yourself: If you’re feeling vulnerable, don’t engage in any activities that may end up in humiliation. On days that I feel stressed out, overly anxious or just overdramatic, I will not allow myself to go on a date with someone I barely know. You can deal with yourself better than they can, trust me.
- Learn how to read people: Some people are just more upfront than others. They aren’t capable of building sufficient buffer time between their thoughts and their words, causing them to say the most offensive, disrespectful comments. That’s okay, though, because you know that you’re better than that and you know that (most of the time) they don’t have malicious intentions.
- Learn the importance of focus.
Throughout my life, I have always been that one friend, daughter, classmate, who was just a little too ambitious than anyone would prefer me to be. I wanted to be good at everything, which is probably why I insisted on taking piano, ballet, tennis, mathematics and art classes after school. And this went beyond my academic life – after college I also wanted to be the best at card games, the best at beer chugging, the best at making funny impersonations, etc. It was only when I hit 27 that I realized that I never actually became the best at any of those things. There are very serious and damaging drawbacks to trying too many things, because you never excel at any one single thing. Sure, having a lot of hobbies keeps you on your toes and makes life a little more interesting, but you can never be the master. I read an article stating that it takes 10,000 hours (approximately 10 years) to become an expert at something. While some say anything can be mastered within 4 years, it’s still a long time! So drop the game, figure out what you really want to get great at, and FOCUS!
- Reward yourself.
In order to ensure that #34 actually happens, you need to find a way to keep going. I’ve found that the easiest way to self-motivate and push through is to reward yourself in small quantities. Let’s assume your goal is to become a successful actress. Make yourself a realistic plan and create daily checklists that you need to go through in order to achieve that dream. At the end of the day, reward yourself with your favorite cookie or allow yourself to buy that bathing suit you’ve been eyeing in Topshop for a few months now. No matter how small the rewards are, presenting them to yourself is basically a way of training your brain to understand that what you’re doing is good and that it should be done.
- Don’t flaunt irrational opinions.
The easiest way of making yourself seem less intelligent than you actually are is by recklessly exhibiting illogical, baseless opinions. Before you say something, think about it. Are you sure you read it in an article some time ago? If so, which article? And when did you read it? And were there studies to support the claim? By putting in the effort to include these little details into a conversation, you will automatically give off a better, more educated impression.
- Be aware your privilege.
No one likes a bratty little girl. If you’re always complaining about what you don’t have or how many bad things have happened in your life, eventually people will stop taking you seriously. Focus on the good things and appreciate every single privilege you’ve had. One of the biggest privileges I’ve had is growing up into a mixed race family. It allowed me to become more open-minded about the world and it helped me develop a lot of understanding towards different cultures. Start by scanning through your memories and picking out the best ones. What made them great? Who made them great? Remember your answers and never take them for granted.
32. Learn a second language.
Knowing a second language goes beyond the convenience of visiting an exotic country and being able to impress your mates by bargaining with the food vendor in their native tongue. Learning a second language helps develop your brain to think in different ways and expands your thinking capacity. It can also help you to be more creative. For example, the word ‘infinity’ is explained differently in each language. While in English the colloquial and the mathematical discourses for the word are combined, the Korean language separates them. As a result, Korean mathematics students are able to understand the concept of ‘infinity’ more structurally.
If you used to learn Spanish in high school and still remember a few (swear) words, get a Spanish language app on your iPhone and start re-learning a few phrases during your commute to work.
- Smile more.
Badasses smile too. Smiling is the universal body language to get someone’s attention, approval and in certain cases even trust. Don’t go overboard and look like Chucky as you keep a perpetual grin on your face everywhere you go. But smile when you meet people because it’s a welcoming gesture.
- Eat healthier.
And don’t just do it to lose weight or to look smokin’ hot in that new bikini you just ordered for the summer, do it so that you feel better about yourself. Every time I decide to replace my chocolate craving with a healthy smoothie, I feel extremely proud of myself. Do the same!
- Learn to cook.
Ever heard the quote: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”? I have personally heard it way too many times (thanks, mum!). But another and more relevant reason why learning how to cook is important is in relation to #32. Being able to cook is the best way to pave your way into healthier eating. By being able to control what goes into your meals, you will start being more health cautious, because you will actually start to consider all the nitty-gritties. Do you really need that extra teaspoon of salt? How much oil is too much oil?
- Keep your life stimulated.
That’s right, stay busy. Whether you’ve been through a bad breakup or just got laid off from your old job, always have something going on. Being bored is probably the easiest way to crawl into your own miserable little bubble.
- Love your own company.
If you’re an extrovert like me who just can’t imagine a day without meeting and interacting with people, listen up. While being the life of the party is great, it’s extremely important to be independent and learn how to enjoy your own company. Because the reality is that on some days none of your friends will be free and you will have to go to that cinema alone. And yes it seems scary at first. And yes it may seem embarrassing. But do it as a way of learning to love yourself.
- Figure out your frenemies, and get rid of them for good.
Alpha Females don’t have time for fake people in their lives. We have too much going on and just don’t need the drama. Frenemies (people who act like your friend but are secretly planning their murder scheme on you) are like mosquitos. They’re annoying, they always manage to find a way of getting into your lives and most of the time it’s difficult to catch them. My suggestion is to investigate your friendships and find out who your true homies are. People who are unreliable and won’t have your back at the end of the day just don’t deserve any attention. And yes, you should definitely unfollow her on Instagram.
- When necessary, mock traditional rules.
Who said you need to wear makeup every day to look good? And who said girls suck at sports?
You can do whatever you want to.
Do you. And be shameless about it.
F the rules.
- Know when it’s time to leave.
Whether it’s the same job that you’ve hated for the past 3 years or a worn-out relationship that just isn’t doing you any good anymore, have the courage to walk away. Trust me, it’s for the better.
- Learn to drive.
A successful woman should rock her own white Audi R8. If you’re over 30 and still don’t know how to drive, it’s time to get behind those wheels.
Meet up with dad this weekend and ask him to teach you to drive for a few hours or call up a friend to do the same.
- Read a motivational book.
I live quite a busy life, so when I do get free time, I can’t lie and pretend that I prefer reading a book over watching some Netflix with a box of pizza. With that said, however, it doesn’t mean that I can’t squeeze in some time to read a few pages off a motivational book or even just a few motivational quotes (for those really hectic days!). My trick is to keep the book in my toilet. This stops me from forgetting the task and it allows me to spend 3-5 minutes going through a page or two. If you’re really not keen on reading, then get an audiobook app and you’re good to go. Hell, you can even YouTube some motivational speeches while eating a nice breakfast. It’s a great way to start the day with a productive mindset.
- Unleash your inner freak.
I’m not speaking in sexual terms here, but I mean if that’s what you’re into then you go girl! Anyway, I’m talking about releasing the real you – the side that no one ever gets to see, the part that you always try to hide from everyone. Whether you’re a soulful singer at heart or a crazy dancer, let yourself free once in a while and you’ll see how good it feels.
- Smell sexy.
Who doesn’t like a sexy smelling woman? Don’t leave the house without a few spritz of seduction and even keep a travel size perfume bottle in your purse…just in case you get lucky.
- STOP playing victim.
Basically, don’t be a damsel in distress type b*tch. If you’re in a difficult situation with someone where you feel blamed, disheartened or even hurt, try to deal with it rationally. Don’t blame yourself and put yourself down, only to expect the other person to compliment you and make you feel better. Instead, try to calm yourself and look at the situation from a logical point of view.
- Learn your value.
Whether you believe it or not, you are worth so much to so many people. And sure, people may not say it enough, but they don’t need to! You need to realize how important you are and how much goodness you bring to the world just by being yourself!
- Narcissism: Is it good or bad?
Well, I think it’s good to a certain extent. Let me explain why. Loving yourself and feeling good in your skin is definitely a yes. But being selfish and taking advantage of people because you know you’re the ultimate badass is a big no-no (most of the time, anyway).
- No one can stop you but yourself.
Always wanted to be a writer? Or maybe a movie director? Create a goal and start today. And if anyone tries to stop you, ignore them and keep moving.
- Dress to Impress (Yourself).
I don’t care how many people try to convince me otherwise, but when I look good, I definitely feel good (or at least a little better than when I woke up with stank breath and wacky hair). Now, I’m not saying that you have to wear a pencil skirt and a tighter-than-it-should-be crisp white shirt every day, but the trick is to figure out your style. Who says you can’t rock a white tee with ripped jeans and still look poised AF? If celebrities and their outfits inspire you then follow them on Pinterest or keep up with their OOTD’s and try recreating some of their outfits.
- Feel beautiful.
Although #15 is a very valid point, it’s also important to develop a beautiful soul. Especially as women, we are regularly reminded to be beautiful. And while there are certain standards of beauty that people are unrealistically encouraged to achieve, it doesn’t have to be this way. What’s important is feeling beautiful. I met an old friend at the grocery store the other day and I complimented how good she looked and she said “Oh God no! I need to lose 5 pounds, I feel SOO fat”. The key word here is ‘feel’, because even though she looked amazing to me, she apparently couldn’t see it as she felt negatively about herself. It is hard to feel good enough, trust me I know. But being beautiful starts from the mind.
- Shut people down when necessary.
One of my favorite rules to be an Alpha Female is knowing when to shut people down. If you have an old friend who is bringing nothing into your life but negativity, cut them out. See ya later, sayonara and GOODBYE.
- Say it how it is.
In relation to the rule above, Alpha females do not give a rat’s ass what other people think. If you need to say something, go ahead and speak your mind. Honesty is more often than not, appreciated by people. If you start saying things how it really is, people will value how frank you are. Just try not to make people cry, promise?
- If the opportunity comes for you to do a “man’s” work, take it and do it better.
Pretty straight forward here, don’t let gender bias get in your way. When applying for a job in a company full of hungry, success-driven men, show them that you have just as big of an appetite for triumph.
- Stop chasing love.
Speaking of men, who doesn’t love them? But that doesn’t mean who should go out of your way to chase after relationships that aren’t meant to be. It’s okay to be single and it’s okay to want someone to cuddle with on a Sunday night. If you find yourself in a situation with a man who seems indifferent and uninvolved, don’t keep texting him. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about love in my 30 years on this planet is that real love comes uninvited. It will hit you when you least expect it and it will be glorious. So stop looking for Mr. Right everywhere you go, because he will find his way to enter your life.
- When you do find a man, don’t settle.
I mean the ‘no-settling’ rule should be applied to all aspects of your life, but the main focus here is relationships. Love is most definitely blind, and while someone can seem like a complete angel to us, they may appear as a total jerk to everyone else. Don’t settle for the guy who doesn’t challenge you to be better, don’t settle for the guy who doesn’t put in the effort to make plans, and don’t settle for the guy who forgets your anniversary dates.
If you haven’t noticed that this entire article has been written around the theme of confidence, well I’ll say it once more: confidence is KEY.
Let’s break it down: confidence is basically knowing your strengths and being able to convey that to people you meet. This is not to be mistaken for arrogance, which is believing and acting as though you’re better than everyone else.
No matter how scared or worried or stressed out you are, meet people with a big smile and shake their hands eagerly. Confidence is one of the sexiest traits for people to have because it’s extremely alluring.
- Take a self-defense class.
So one of my friends spent her weekend taking a self-defense class and she totally recommended it to me (and everyone else!) afterwards. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Why shouldn’t we be more prepared for dangerous situations? No matter how hard we try to improve the world and its circumstances, there are always going to be bad people out there who are out to do you nothing but damage. Taking a self-defense class could mean being able to feel more confident when you’re walking down a dark alley alone (not that you should ever place yourself in this situation, but just in case you know?) or not feeling so scared when no one’s at home.
There are free self-defense classes for women online, but I think this type of course really demands a hands-on experience. Look for a self-defense course near you.
- “Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.“
We’ve all heard this phrase before and we should keep hearing it until it actually registers. I meet so many people in my life who seem to be confident in what they say, but can never actually convert them into actions. Don’t suggest plans with your girlfriend Mary this Saturday if you know you’re going to be busy. Don’t tell your parents you would love to come over for dinner this Wednesday when you know you can’t because you have a hot date. Don’t tell yourself that you’re going to start tomorrow at the gym because you can really start right now. People are always using words as a weapon to impress other people and make them happy. And while this is great, make sure you go through with it.
- Pick an exercise.
It’s not rocket science; we all know how beneficial exercising is. It plays a role in how you look, how much energy you have every day and your overall wellbeing. But you don’t have to go to the gym if it’s not your thing. Maybe swimming is something you enjoy and wouldn’t mind doing for an hour every other day. Or maybe it’s jogging, or maybe it’s yoga! Whatever it may be, find a form of exercise that you love and make it fun.
- Keep the willpower.
When we want to change, our enthusiasm for the first few days is really high. Whether you want to lose some weight and look fit or prove to your boss that you’re the ultimate superstar in the office, those first few days after the goal is made are really driven. But overtime that excitement fades, shrivels and dies, and you find yourself back in square 1. The trick to avoid this issue is by taking baby steps. If you set elephant sized goals for yourself, you will never achieve them because your mind will get weak before your body does. Get a planner and write down the things you need to do every day in order to reach that goal.
- Be consistent.
A big change becomes possible when you’re consistent. Start living the life you want but engrave the changes into your routine to make sure that you’re consistent with them. Want to shed a few pounds and get fit? Start exercising 2-3 times a week for half an hour to an hour. Once you get used to the new schedule, it won’t feel like such a hassle anymore.
- As Derek Sivers says “Keep your goals to yourself”.
One of my favorite TED Talks of all time is Derek Sivers’ 4 minutes long presentation. In such a short amount of time, he explains why it’s important to keep your goals to yourself. This is based on the simple idea that sharing your goals with someone and saying it out loud makes you feel better. Once someone is impressed with your objective or congratulates you for it, “it feels like you’re one step closer already, like it’s already becoming part of your identity.”
Once you feel this way, you are more likely to ignore the goal and not pursue it. Psychologists explain this concept as “Social Reality”, whereby the feeling of satisfaction (from telling people about your goals) tricks your mind into believing that the goals have actually been achieved. In 1933, psychologist Wera Mahler found that when other people acknowledge information, our minds regard it as true or real.
Not telling people about your goals and aspirations is harder than you may think! As talked about in Rule #4, having an aim is exciting for the first few days. During those moments of thrill, we suggest that you keep the goal to yourself. And if you are going to share with others, do it in a way that gives you no satisfaction.
- Take Brain Boosting Nootropics.
More and more women are beginning to thrive and conquer the business world. And all these career-driven, successful women are constantly looking to get that extra edge to make them ahead of everyone else. This is where nootropics come in.
Nootropics are cognitive enhancing supplements that can boost memory, learning, information processing and more. Although nootropics are not designed to make you smarter, they provide your brain with the extra juice needed to excel in a meeting room of ferocious businessmen. One product that stood out through our research is Lumonol by Avanse Nutraceuticals. Lumonol consists of three major blends, targeting energy, memory and focus. Their formula includes powerful nootropics such as Noopept, Acetyl L-Carnitine, and Picamilon – all of which have been clinically tested to power up the brain. More than half of all nootropic customers are women, which tells us that girls aren’t playing around anymore. We’re coming up fast, and there’s no one that can stop us.
Don’t fall short of achieving your goals! If you’re working extra hours to get the raise you’ve been wanting or if you’ve been training harder over the weeks to get that stunning bod, allow nootropics to lend you a helping hand. Don’t miss out on this opportunity and get yourself a bottle now.